i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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