let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
