So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Send help, water and tortillas.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
