i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
