I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
