I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
they're like a gay fantastic four
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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