Farmville is her only friend.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
