Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
