Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
no, he came in my armpit
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
What a dumb baby whore.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
