I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
