Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
