I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
