you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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