Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
