I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
