rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
