I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
