I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
