I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
