i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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