I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
