respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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