Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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