my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
