I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
