Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
