R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
