May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
