Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
