im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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