Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
