wat bout pragnant strippers??
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
