Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
