I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
