Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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