GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
