End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The power of my boobs compel you
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
