I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
