I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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