Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
