Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
