I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
