i may or may not be watching the land before time
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
