Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
