Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
