I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Randomize
