There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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