I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
