I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
