I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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