How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
