I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
