Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
