Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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