jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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